Goodbye, <3

It's been six days and Nick's decision on whether he wants to be with me or not seems to have been made.  Saying "I don't think we communicate enough" and then having him apparently avoid me for almost a week doesn't bode well for the relationship.  Either he's too afraid to face me, or just doesn't want me anymore.  Either way, I guess that means we're over.  What a shitty fucking end to something I thought was so fucking amazing.  Jesus Christ.  I never thought this would happen.  I always thought he'd fight to be with me, he'd WANT to be with me, and to talk to me.  But the holidays go by and no call, no e-mail, no IM.  I spent New Years alone crying around 3am that he didn't give me a call.  I guess I was just diluding myself into thinking he'd see the problem.  But feeling so fucking alone and destitute in a relationship isn't a good sign for the fucking relationship.  And I don't think I deserve to be treated like I have.  I'm not a demanding person, and I don't think I ask for more than someone's willing to give.  If Nick wanted me, he would have at least attempted to rectify the situation when I told him something was wrong.  Shouldn't a man fight for the woman he supposedly loves?  I mean, am I totally in the wrong?  Well, he obviously isn't working to keep me, and, to be honest, he'd have to do something pretty fucking impressive to "win me back."  God, I hate that phrase.  I'm not a prize or anything, it's just that, he's hurt me so much these past few days.  Probably more than he could know.  I don't think I deserve that much punishment, especially for expressing my feelings about a problem.  It's the fucking holidays and I spent it crying for a man who doesn't seem to want me anymore.  Anyway, all that aside, this will probably be my last blog entry.  Nick's bro, Tim runs the site and I think it'd just be weird trying to be friendly when so much shit has gone down, and I don't want to put pressure on Tim to be friends with me.  I know his first priority is to his brother.  But I'm going to miss the friends I made here.  Tim, you were a really great friend.  I'm going to miss you.  Sorry if I ever did anything to piss you off or cause undue stress.  I thank you and your family so much for making me feel so welcome and loved.  I really wish it didn't end this way, and I'm so so sad, and I'm so sorry.  I really wanted to be a part of your family, and for that short time at Becky's wedding, I felt so amazingly wonderful at your hospitality and love.  I'm so sorry.  I love you guys so much.  Goodbye.