Laguna Beach and the incoherent ramblings of a sick mind

Goddamnit. I'm very anti-reality show. But I'm flipping through the channels and I find Laguna Beach, and it's like a fucking train wreck. I CAN'T LOOK AWAY! I'm like OMG LC IS SUCH A BITCH! And OMG KRISTEN AND STEVEN NEED TO BE TOGETHER! Man... today is a sad day indeed. Also, I'm sick. Which sucks. I never get sick on my own, it's always other people who cough on me or like... breathe near me. STOP BREATHING NEAR ME! IN FACT! JUST STOP BREATHING! YOU... BREATHING... MC BREATHERSON! Also, I sent Nick's birthday present in the mail, but UPS shipped to the wrong address which was in the computer. So I call them up and they're like "call on the day it's expected and they'll change the address no problem." So I call them the day before, to get an early start and they tell me "You have to call the day it's expected so it's in the warehouse and we can add a new sticker." So I wait a day, call the next day and the whore tells me "You have to wait until it's delivered to the house and then sent back at least once, so that we can change the address." So I call today and the guy says "well it was signed for and picked up at 5:00 yesterday." I told him it was the wrong address and what the lady told me yesterday and he says, "um... well... she was wrong, we could have just put it in the computer and waited for it to get to the warehouse." So, luckily they had a number for the house which it was delivered to and it wasn't opened yet, so the guys like "we're going to pick it up from the house, but in order to change the address we have to ship it back to where it was initially delivered from." So, my package makes it all the way from Vegas to Connecticut, goes to the wrong house which is only about 3 miles away from the new house, and now it has to be shipped all the way back from Connecticut to Vegas because they can't take the bureaucratic cock out of their anus and actually just MOVE THE FUCKING PACKAGE TO THE NEW ADDRESS! So, when the fucking thing gets BACK HERE in about two fucking weeks because we all know getting it here in a decent ammount of time is just too difficult, I'll probably just ship it next day. But it fucking sucks because Nick will get his present about a fucking MONTH after his birthday because UPS is an inefficient cockbag. "What can brown do for you?" I'll tell you what it can do... it can stay up inside whatever big, fat, greasy, sweaty, hairy, oily corporate ASSHOLE it came from!!!